im backkkkk

whats up yall. im back, and honestly, i mostly do this whole blog thing now to look back on my rants and laugh. also, i wanted to give a little update. i know approximately 7 people will read this, so i dont care if i get too personal or deep.

alright, so maybe i should talk a little bit about school??

school is good. im taking my math diploma at the end of the semester, and that FREAKS ME OUT. but i enjoy math, and when i take time off and really study hard, i get good grades. grade 10 was really hard in regards to friends, but ive started this new school year with a few things on my mind.

a) be empathetic. i need to remind myself that im a person with no filters, and while i hate how snowflake-y people can get, i can only change myself.

b) be slow to speak, and quick to listen. and honestly, thats what girls my age eat up. i learned that earlier this summer. if i sit down with a girl and JUST LISTEN for an hour, nodding and asking questions, she will be my best friend. thats how girls work.

c) be generous. i want to be generous with my time, and money. i lost my bank card, so this is an issue right now, but im working to resolve it right now, ahahaha.

d) DO SOMETHING TODAY, THAT WILL MAKE FUTURE YOU HAPPY! i heard this a bit ago, and boy that HIT me. this means STUDY. work hard. work OUT. eat healthy. be kind. pray. read the bible. love someone.

i went to dtp a few weeks ago, and heres the big revelations i had there.

a) i need to set an example. this is something i have struggled with, in terms of this... there have been so many older women in my life who i have admired and looked up to, and have absolutely longed for recognition from them, or a relationship. seriously. at dtp, some women that i have wanted to connect with for years started talking to me, and connecting, and loving me, and it meant the absolute world. i cried driving home every night because it meant so much. on the last day, one woman said to me, 'where have you been all my life girl!? i love talking to you!' that was it for me. that made me lose it. it meant so so much to hear those words come out of her mouth.the speaker asked in his sermon, 'who do you follow? and who are the younger kids following? are you being a good example?' that night, when he gave us the opportunity to pray for those around us, i sprang towards the young girls who i know look up to me. i prayed for them, and as i did, one girl began crying. that is what God did in me that weekend, and i am so so grateful.

b) dad tells me this all the time, so i KNOW IT and UNDERSTAND IT, but it hadn't really stuck firm until one of the women there remained me. she was joking about setting me up with someone, and i pretended to approach them, and she grabbed me and said, 'i was thinking about this, and i need to let you know... as much as we joke about this, you need to know that you need to be passionately pursued. you are not supposed to pursue a man, he is supposed to pursue you. you know that right?' wow. i mean, yeah, my dad tells me that all the time. but up until megan said it, heres how i lived knowing about that...

'yeah. guys need to pursue me. but ill still flirt with this guy until he gives me attention!'

heres how ive changed. ive been praying, unceasingly, that the man God has for me would passionately pursue me. and so thats what i expect. im no longer going to 'go for guys', because i trust that the right man, a good man, will pursue ME. and i can believe this, because i trust God will answer my prayer, and provide.

c) and one last thing. i was reminded that weekend that i need to pray for my husband. i need to pray for the things i want in the man i marry. i need to pray for him right now, that he would be pure, hardworking, and kind. ive known that this is important to do, but, again, i needed the reminder.

youtube-ing (is that a word??) has become my favorite thing ever. actually. it is my sincerest creative outlet, and i fricken love love love it. (im patiently waiting to go viral...)

anyway, i think thats all. thats all the stuff i can write on a public blog that wouldn't destroy any of my relationships. thanks for reading. now go watch my youtube videos right now. i mean it! love you all!

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC7WYNnex2GDj0lrtEhA8KKQ